Dr Wang is the newest member to the 5Star Cabinet and has been bought in to be our resident psychiatrist.
Throughout Season 07 Mr Wang will give his expert advice for individuals and teams on all matters as well as the mindset it
takes to be a Top Player in the pressure cooker that is the
5STAR WORLD
A SPARTANS DILEMMA
How to cope without being able to perform week to week but yet can produce the goods when the stakes are high.
Thank you for your referral of the above. I saw them play on two occasions and subsequently at the game that triggered your referral. I appreciate your concerns and have conducted a full assessment and a report, which follows.
Clearly Spartans have a problem focusing which unfortunately is not uncommon. I conducted some tests and found them below average in terms of both psychomotor response and visual stimulation response (eye to ball coordination) One reason for this seemed to be a belief that they are only good when they feel inferior.
When faced with perceived weaker opposition they have no motivation due to a lack of fear response. On the other hand when in a ‘backs to the wall’ situation they find it easy to muster their qualities. However further tests revealed an inverted fear to glory complex-in other words they DO NOT BELIEVE THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOOD ENOUGH.
It is easy for them to rise to games when the score is in doubt because they feel they have nothing to prove and everything to win (the underdog syndrome).
When faced with opposition they feel equal or superior to they crumble under the expectation. Clearly, they have some need of therapy.
To finish with we did some word association which revealed that they believed they really were Spartans. A frequent response being; ‘This is Sparta’, even when I proved beyond doubt with pictures of the cathedral the Richo arena and Wood End plus accent/language skills that they did actually live in Coventry.
I had my rather sexy assistant, Miss Sophia Sexulet conduct the physical ( as you may well know one cannot separate the mind entirely from the body unless you are Jordan and Peter Andre).
Sophia tests results
All scores out of ten:
Speed 7
Four out of the five tested failed to undue a bra within 10 seconds
Stamina 6
All five tested could only stay upright for 3 minutes
Strength 8
When faced with the temptation to go on a date with the lovely Sophia only 1 responded with a ‘ is sex on the menu’ demand.
Suppleness for none of the subjects showed any imagination (creative play) during the testing
Skill 8
All five displayed high skill levels within the first two thirds of the test but a perfect score was lost in and around the box.
Summery
4 out of the 5 tested failed
Prescription
It is my professional opinion that a change of name would improve their symptoms by up to 37%
Consider:
Dogs of war
Freestyle
Credit bunch
We are much better than our results show
It only takes a second to concede a goal
Pants
I will not be seeing them again but do feel free to refer again should the symptoms become more worrying
Yours faithfully,
Dr Wang
